i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
