Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
