it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
