girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
