so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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