He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's get the cat blown out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
