U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
