I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
