Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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