3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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