I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
