we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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