i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
