alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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