im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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