god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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