Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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