And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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