I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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