Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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