how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
