New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
