Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
