you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As shirtless as possible
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
