i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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