Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
