i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
