You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
