note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
