what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
