ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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