i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
