Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
