Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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