I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She even gives head with a lisp.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
