Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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