I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
