:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
