PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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