At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
