The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we're making bets on your personal life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
