oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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