Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
