once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
