we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
