I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
