so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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