Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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