I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
