I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
